Land Surveyor Wins Record 640 Million Mega Millions Jackpot, Invests In Land Surveying Business

Land Surveyor Wins Record $640 Million Mega Millions Jackpot, Invests In Land Surveying Business

In a stunning turn of events for a Gunter County land surveyor Rod DeLenker, last Friday, he won the record $640 million Mega Millions jackpot!

I was fortunate enough to interview Rod this morning. Here is my interview with Rod DeLenker:

Eric:

Rod, first off, congratulations on winning the Mega Millions jackpot on Friday! Could you tell us what that day was like?

Rod:

Thank you, Eric. Well, Friday is kinda a blur for me, but one thing I do remember is being pissed-off because I couldn’t find a parking space at the local Tini-Mart. If that’s not bad enough, after parking Bertha, that’s our survey rig, off the blacktop, then I had to stand in line to buy a can of BMI-Plus Cola, a bag of Nunions, and some Atherosclero-Jerkey – you know, lunch – all the time listening to this yocal go on and on with his girlfriend over the phone on what he’d do if he won the lottery. As bad as it was not finding a parking spot, then standing in a long line, it got worse when…

Eric:

….Rod, whoa!. Hold on, let’s get back on track. How did you come to play the lottery that day, and did you use any special techniques to win?

Rod:

Sorry ’bout that, I still get riled-up thinking about that day at the Tini-Mart! Funny thing is, as I was standing in line, when that chatty guy in front of me finally got off his cell phone with his girlfriend, I asked him what all the commotion was about and he told me that the Mega Millions jackpot was over $500 million, so I asked him how to play: He told me it only cost a buck. Like I said it’s funny, because that morning I didn’t have a penny in my pocket, but around 11 am I found a ten-dollar bill on the ground…hehehe…, I actually saw it fall out of my transitman, Bobby-Bill’s pocket. So anyway, after buying a good lunch, I realized I had a couple of bucks to spare, thanks to Bobby-Bill, so I got a lottery ticket. No secret technique, other than crossing my fingers and eyes when  paying the clerk; sure did get a strange look from him, now that I think about it.

Eric:

Does Bobby-Bill know you used his money to buy the winning Mega Millions lottery ticket?

Rod:

No, figured it best not to tell him. It would be a burden best kept out of for him; he’s not too good with money, you know. Besides, there’s no way, really, for him to find out, is there?

Eric:

OK, sure?

Rod:

Maybe I’ll give him that ten-cent an hour raise I promised him five years ago, to make it up to him.

Eric:

Um, I’m sure that’ll make up for it? Anyway…., have you spoken with anyone about how to handle winning such a large amount of money?

Rod:

Oh yea, gotta be very careful now. So yesterday, I called up Gunter County’s best attorney, financial planner, used car seller, and undertaker, Will Cheatem, operator of Will Cheatem and How, for advice. He was very nice, once I explained to him that I’d won $640 million, and agreed to meet with me right away! That was a load off my mind, so I jumped into Bertha and drove into Pincushion Township to meet Mr. Cheatem at his office.

Eric:

Will Cheatem and How? Are you sure Mr. Cheatem is knowledgeable and trustworthy to manage that much money for you?

Rod:

Mr. Cheatem’s pretty much a fairly honest guy. Well, there were those surveys he never paid me for doing, but now that I’m his client, and with the money I’m paying him, that’s not a problem anymore. And sure,  when he sold me Bertha, he never mentioned that she came without an engine. My fault really, I shoulda realized that when he asked me if I needed any help pushing her off the lot. And, he did lose Aunt Anibel, before her funeral. But, he was really kind when he said a little bit of Aunt Anibel was out in the world overlooking and helping many others to heal and live…whatever that means? But sure, he’s very honest, most of the time.

Eric:

Wow! I sure hope you got an agreement in writing with Mr. Will Cheatem?

Rod:

I only do business on a handshake, it’s my thang. Mr. Cheatem was real receptive to sealing the deal on a handshake, at first, but he said a handshake and a signature would keep us both honest.

Eric:

Doing business on a handshake might be your “thang”, but how’s that worked out for you?

Rod:

I believe that doing business based on a handshake is the best way to go, it shows real integrity. Besides,  over the years of owning and operating my land surveying business, I get at least 25% of my customers that pay in full, and on time. With 75% of my clients holding off paying me until months and months after the work is done, I look at it as being money in the bank! They mostly end up paying, eventually. Sometimes. But really, contracts are for unethical people I’d rather not do business with, except Mr. Cheatem, of course.

Eric:

….Your business acumen amazes me. But, we’re talking about a lot of money, so you did execute a contract with Mr. Will Cheatem, to manage your winnings, right?

Rod:

Thanks for the compliment, I’ve learned a lot ’bout being in business all these years! Sure, after Mr. Cheatem – Will that is,  he insists we call each other by our first names now – explained the unique circumstances here, he prepared a contract for us to sign. Although, I insisted that a handshake was good enough for me.

Eric:

Did you carefully read this quickly prepared contract, Rod?

Rod:

I know, isn’t he the best; who knew he could crank out a contract that fast? He’s a good lawyer. Sure, I read it. Most of it. Some of it. Well, it was really long, with a lot of paragraphs, sections and subsections. But, I did read the last page where we both signed the contract. It looked real law-like, so I’m sure it’s fine.

Eric:

I’m at a loss for words now. Anyway, moving on; now that we’ve touched on your special business skills, I’m sure my readers would be interested to know about your land surveying business. What’s your land surveying business like?

Rod:

I know, right, I explain things real good! In fact, I hear that a lot  ’round these parts. People are always tellin’ me they’re at a loss for words after I’ve explained things to them right. Me and the little misses, Rayzfored DeLenker (Rayzi to me), own and operate Pincushion Survey Company, in Pincushion Township, for over 25 years now. We’ve grown into the biggest survey outfit in Pincushion Township, with seven employees and revenues of $150,000 a year! Sure, not this year, that was in the good days, before the dark times came to Gunter County. But, even with a raging recession, I’ve slaved to keep everyone employed, at least for one or two days a week. Sure, I haven’t taken a paycheck in four years, but in the good years I paid myself and  Rayzi up to $20,000 a year. While that don’t sound like much, owning a business has its perks – we haven’t paid for printer paper in our house in at least 10 years!

Eric:

That’s,….fantastic? Everything is going to change now that you’ve won the lottery. Have you decided whether you’ll take a one-time lump sum payment or yearly installment payments?

Rod:

Yes I have. I want all my money right now! So, I’m taking the lump sum payment of about $347 million, after taxes.

Eric:

That’s a serious amount of money: I don’t think I can even fathom how much money that is! What do you plan on doing with your windfall?

Rod:

I’m gonna be real smart with this money and invest it all into my Pincushion Survey Company! Sure, first I have to pay Will Cheatem and How their 35%, and some “minor” and “unimportant” fees and services charges Mr. Cheatem, I’m sorry, Will, said is necessary to “make money”, but the rest is going right into my land surveying business. That way, I can buy the best land surveying equipment money can buy, and expand my business outside of Pincushion Township to service all of Gunter County! Boy, that’ll be great! I can’t wait to double or triple my land surveying revenues!

Eric:

Um,…..OK,…..really? You’re really going to invest $347 million, less: Will Cheatem and How’s 35% cut, their “minor” and “unimportant” fees and services charges, and purchasing the best land surveying equipment money can buy – Only to increase your yearly revenues to, AT MOST, $300,000 to $450,000!

Rod:

I know, right! This is the chance of a lifetime, and I’m not gonna miss it!

This has been my (fictional) interview with Rod DeLenker, land surveyor and owner of Pincushion Survey Company, in Pincushion Township, Gunter County, and winner of last Friday’s record $640 million Mega Millions Jackpot. We’ll check in with Rod in a few weeks to see if any of his winnings a left.

Merry April Fools’ Day!

The fictional Pincushion Township, in Gunter County, is where all the surveyors are well meaning, all the roads are paved with good intentions, and all the surveys are above average.

(The likeness of fictional characters, townships, and counties in this post to anyone, or anyplace real, is purely coincidental and are not based upon any real person or place.)